Child Series - Importance of Consent

Child Series - Importance of Consent

“Love Our Children Day” is celebrated in USA on the first Saturday of April, focusing on raising awareness about child abuse and promoting loving, respectful relationships with children. As this is the month of April, this post is to raise awareness about child abuse, honor all children, encourage the development of loving and respectful relationships with children and raise awareness of the importance of consent.

My cousin sister and I (we lived together in a joint family) were a year apart and walked to school. We had to reach school by 7.15 am. It was a ten minute walk. Seven minutes walk to the main gate from our house in a housing colony and then 2 minutes to cross the main road and a minute to reach the school that was diagonally across. The last five minutes of walking in the colony to the main gate was walking in a lane with a compound wall on both sides - no buildings or houses. At that time in the morning, the lane was usually deserted. When we were growing up, in the 70s, I don't remember having security guards at the gate early in the mornings.

One day, my cousin sister and I were walking to school. She must have been in the fifth or sixth grade and I, a year younger. We saw this man facing the wall and urinating. As we walked closer, he turned towards us, his pants still unzipped. We quickly looked away. We thought it was a one time thing and did not tell anyone at home. The next day, on our way to school he was there and flashed us again. Then we knew that this would not go away. We informed our parents. In the morning, my father accompanied us. Sure enough he was there, facing the wall. My father went to him and yelled at him. He told him that if he is ever seen again, he would complain to the police. The next few days, my father accompanied us, but the man was not there. He stopped coming. What must be going on in the minds of people who think of flashing children?


Another incident I remember, though not connected to school, was when I was nine or ten years old and my brother was four or five. As I have stated earlier, my paternal uncles and my father lived together in one house in Mumbai and apart from my own brother, there was my paternal cousin sister and paternal cousin brother living in the same house. My cousin sister was a year older than me and my cousin brother was a year older than my brother, so it was four children in the house.


My paternal aunt’s son (may be in his early thirties at that time) came to Mumbai for a visit. He took the four of us to see a movie - either 'Jungle Book' or 'Laurel and Hardy' - I dont remember which. While returning, we came to the train station. Since my aunt’s son wanted all of us to be together with him on the train as we were not very old and did not travel by trains much, he said that we could all get into the general compartment of the train.


As the train halted and people got down, I tried to get in along with some men. Suddenly, I felt many arms groping my body, pinching my chest, pinching my backside, all parts of me...and the worst was as there were men all around me, I did not know who was responsible. I screamed partly out of pain and partly out of fear and pushed everyone as hard as I could and jumped back on the platform. I don't remember now if my aunt's son and my cousins waited for me or got into the next compartment and then got down when they saw me get down. But I do remember that we waited for the next train and my sister and I got into the ladies compartment.


I felt violated, shocked...it took a long time for me to get over this incident. Thankfully my school and college were walking distance and I had to travel by trains later only when I was 19, when I found a job to do after college and then I would use the ladies’s compartment. The incident still haunts me. What could be going on in the mind of the people who would do this to a child? What if I was not able to get off?


As reported in India Times, the supreme court in a landmark hearing, overturned the high court order (which passed a judgement that skin-to-skin contact was necessary for the offence of sexual assault) and ruled that "touching any part of a child comes under POCSO". The Daily Star, in the article 'Respecting boundaries and holding men responsible' reports "...there are different types of sexual harassment and violence, from unwanted words to forced physical contact. None of them are okay." 


Men have to learn to value children, their own and that of others. Children cannot be taken advantage of. Fathers and mothers have to teach this to their sons by role modeling, treating daughters with respect and treating daughters and sons equally. Sons have to be taught to cook, do laundry and take care of the house. These are equally important roles and it should not be thought of as a woman’s work. Gender role stereotypes have to change. As the Institute of Family Studies, in the article "Teaching boys to respect women", suggests "Boys must know that they should not touch a women without her explicit consent" and "Our sons must understand that no means no". Sons have to learn that nothing automatically qualifies them to touch. If a woman says yes at the beginning, but changes her mind, that has to be respected as well. There can be no touching or any intention to do so without consent. Respect has to form the basis of all relationships. And the most important is consent...we all have to teach our children about consent.


Image Credit: Hotpot AI Image Generator

Excerpts from: 

https://www.indiatimes.com/news/india/skin-contact-not-necessary-touching-any-part-with-sexual-intent-comes-under-pocso-says-sc-554518.html

https://www.thedailystar.net/opinion/views/news/respecting-boundaries-and-holding-men-responsible-3532156

#relationships,#new-teachers,#behaviour,#school,#learning,#teaching,#students #trauma,#consent,#punishment,#abuse

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